What to Do When You're Stuck on Hold
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
It seems as if everything has been on hold for months. I haven’t been writing this blog. I haven’t emailed any newsletters. In fact, I’ve barely ventured outside except for my daily walk since COVID-19 struck.
My mother died in April and although we had a very small graveside service, a true celebration of her life with extended family and friends has been postponed indefinitely. In many ways and for her sake, I feel relieved at her going. She no longer has to spend long days confined to assisted living with no family visits to look forward to. Her vision and hearing were not good at the end and it was hard to communicate with her by phone. She had a rich, full life and was more than 96 years old when she died. I know she is now in a place of true freedom and peace. But there is still a huge lump of grief inside me that seems unable to move through. It feels as if even mourning has been put on hold.
I know I’m not the only one having this experience during this time of COVID-19. All of our lives have been put on hold in so many ways. It’s lasting way longer than anticipated. Nothing feels “normal.”
Now more than ever, it is vital to focus on what IS possible rather than what is not. Here are a few possibilities I’ve been trying out:
Do what you can do. I have been so grateful that my work is easy to do by phone or ZOOM. I can continue to meet with coaching clients and hold spiritual direction sessions even when we can’t meet in person. Every meeting brings me joy.
Keep a healthy routine. I begin each day with yoga and meditation and have recently added another hour of meditation at the end of my work day. Oh! I’ve also begun a new habit of going upside down everyday, on purpose, with the help of my FeetUp Trainer. I love it! When the world feels upside down, why not go upside down yourself? That way you feel right side up!
Ask for help. I have been having my groceries delivered by Shipt.com since March. Not only does it save me lots of time and limit my exposure to the virus, it enables me to contribute to someone else’s employment during this uncertain time. It may cost a little more, but for me it’s worth it.
Exercise. It’s important for me to get outside everyday if at all possible, so I try to walk each day for at least an hour. Often, I get inspiration as I walk and there is always something new to see.
Rest. It’s okay to take a nap if you have the time. In fact, I nap almost everyday these days. It probably got planted in me at summer camp years ago, but lunch followed by a nap feels right and restorative.
Connect. It’s easy to feel isolated with COVID-19 so it’s important to stay connected to friends and family, especially now. Although it’s not the same as being there, video conferencing has filled a gap for me and can be surprisingly connecting, as many of you have probably already discovered. Thanks to ZOOM, on Sunday mornings I facilitate a process of Lectio Divina for my bible study group and on Tuesday evenings I’ve been leading a small book study (Waking Up White by Debby Irving). Both groups are helping me to find meaning and purpose while stuck at home. They challenge me, expand my thinking, and open my heart.
Get Creative. My husband and I started a little project in March, initially for our daughter who lives in New Zealand, at her request, to help her get through the lockdown. We record favorite readings and add music for a few minutes’ respite from the daily news. We’ve been doing this most days since then and sharing with others on request. Here’s an example of one I made the week after my mother died. It’s a prayer she wrote years ago that was found among her papers, with music by my friend Jim Bennett.
The list above is very limited and I could go on for pages but you get the idea. I’d love to hear from you. What’s helping you get through these trying times? Where are you finding meaning these days? What is restorative for you?